Why the best fathers never stop learning
— Joe Davis '15, Director of Online and Graduate Enrollment
There is an elderly gentleman at my wife’s home church who has begun to recognize me. We are familiar with each other, though he tends to rely on the same sorts of greetings, one of which used to make my blood boil.
I became a father in 2019 and immediately felt comfortable in the role. I loved holding my infant daughter and took pride in the fact that she would often fall asleep in my arms, secure in the comfort I was able to provide. Then I would hear the phrase, “Daddy in training.” It rang like a high-pitched bell challenging my newfound fatherly confidence. Anytime he saw me with my child, he would say those three words: “Daddy in training.”
Time went on, I learned to be less offended.
Seven years later, I was holding my newborn son. By then, I had already spent years learning from my daughters. Seven years of fatherhood had given me plenty of experience, but apparently not enough to retire the title. Any Sunday we go to that church and I’m seen with my children, I still hear, “Daddy in training.”
To clarify, he doesn’t only say it to me but to my brothers-in-law as well. Any younger dad walking around (or chasing children), our identities fully wrapped up in being fathers, gets challenged by these three words that can feel like an accusation.
Do I look like I need help?
Do you think I’m about to drop this child?
Why insist on saying any parenting I’m doing is some sort of “training”?
The answer is no.
No, I don’t need help.
No, I’m probably not about to drop the child.
But he is right. I am still in training. When I put my ego aside and reflect on the little hindsight I’ve gathered, I can recognize that my goal as a father is to grow every day. I’d love to say that I “know best,” but parenting continually teaches me otherwise. My daughters and now my son train me every day in patience, humility, sacrifice, forgiveness, and love.
If I don’t view parenting as a never-ending process of growth, how can I expect my children to apply the lessons I intend to impart? Now when I hear those words, I usually smile and respond:
“Learning something new every day.” — Maybe that's what being a father in training really means.
The older I get, the more I realize that my children aren't the only ones training me. God is. Every season of fatherhood reveals new places where I need greater patience, wisdom, selflessness, and grace. Just when I think I've figured something out, another challenge reminds me that I still have room to grow. Fatherhood has a way of exposing both our strengths and our weaknesses, and in those moments I am reminded that I need my Heavenly Father just as much as my children need me.
The best fathers are the ones who never stop being children of God. As fathers, we spend a great deal of time trying to shape and guide our children. Yet all the while, God is doing the same work in us. He is teaching, correcting, encouraging, and molding us into the people He has called us to be.
As fathers, we never truly graduate. We continue learning, growing, and being shaped by both our children and our Creator.
“Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” — Isaiah 64:8 (NIV)